Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Judy, planned the robbery and went over the plan with the second blonde, Buffie, in great detail. The robbery began. Judy drove up in front of the bank, stopped the car and said to Buffie, “I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?”

“Perfectly,” replied Buffie.

Buffie went in the bank while Judy waited in the getaway car. One minute passed…three minutes pass…seven minutes pass… and Judy was really stressing out.

Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here came more…

Hey, heres a quick way to get your pool clear.  Use bleach instead of shock.

It”s cheaper and workes in a couple hours

Stir up the bottom and pour in the bleach.  About 1 gallon of bleach for 4,000 gal. of water.

Repeat this the next day if needed

Framing a wall

Step by step for framing an interior wall. more…

Steve: stairs are a little tricky the first time.

Start by measuring the height from the ground to the top of the deck. This is called the rise.  more…

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he’d given her.

Then he married the one with the biggest tits.

Men are like that, you know.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Recently I purchased my first flat screen TV  

 I decided to install it myself. They  wanted almost  $800 dollars to install it plus the cost of the mount and other hardware needed. I’m a professional carpenter and repair guy, I figured this was a walk in the park compared to building a whole house.

  I shopped around and got the mount  for under $70 dollars .After several days of research  I decided to go with a HDMI cable for the best high def picture and overall performance , the cost was much more than conventional  cables but I have learned to more…

Installing my flat screen – {   part two

 The day was still young after storing my new TV in a safe place. I grabbed a few drop cloths and covered the mantle and surrounding area. I marked out the area to be cut with a level and square, I marked about 8″ bigger than where the new wall studs will be installed. Typical studs run up and down, the new 2″x4″ studs will run side to side. I call them sister studs, there are other names such as, scabs-nailers -blocking -cats and many more names depending on what part of the country  your from. After marking the square I grabbed my more…

The new TV has collected a little dust waiting for its permanent home over the fire place. After doing some framing in the wall, patching and painting I’m now ready to mount my new TV. more…

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this.  It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!!  They put in a correction the next day.   more…

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, “I don’t like the looks of your wife at all.”
“Me neither doc,” said the husband. “But she’s a great cook and really good with the kids.”